War - Ruminations

Strange coincidence this morning. You know how music can suddenly just speak to you? Like maybe you are mad and that Fiona Apple beat you kind of like takes on a whole new meaning? This morning, I was awoken at about 6am with a phonecall telling me Rumsfeld had resigned. Those that know me well know I take an interest in politics, although I am usually pretty PC about where my real views lie. I do appreciate the updates, though.
So after the call, a song popped into my head and I simply could not purge it despite my best attempts. You know it: 'Right here, right now, there is no other place I’d rather be. Right here Right now, Watching the World Wake up to History.’ It was random, but it felt significant enough to share. It's like the soundtrack of my life, in a way.
On the subject of being right here, right now, though… I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. I think part of it has to do with my self-proclaimed ‘quarter-life crisis’ surrounding my upcoming 25th birthday. I can clearly remember thinking that ‘after 25, you are just old.’ If the last 5 years flew by so fast, does that mean I am going to be 30 before I know it? It’s not that adulthood is bad. I like it. It’s just hard to stop thinking of yourself as not being really young. The other issue has to do with vision, vocation and passion. When I came to Japan, I left my old life - amazing job I loved with great mentors, wonderful friends; living NEAR my boyfriend & my family - to enter a place where I (like everything around me) am foreign. I jumped into the gray unknown, headfirst. Am I doing the right thing? Did I make a mistake? What if I don’t get into graduate school? And is there purpose to what I am doing?
Maybe I sound a little anal and this is getting personal, but these are big questions. You can’t live your life with what-if’s, and that is partially – or maybe mostly - why I came to Japan. I guess no matter what I left behind or where I am going, the important part is that I am still moving forward, right? And for the record, it was a scary jump but I think I did the right thing. I might be chasing an unrealistic vision, but there is a sane enough balance between the idealistic side of me and the realistic side to figure things out.
Ok, so running around in a witch’s costume for a group of little kids does seem like ‘wasting time’, but honestly.. I would (and do) do what I am doing here at home, too. Getting involved with the community, promoting cultural awareness and having a load of fun working with kids is not something to be ashamed of in my book. Espcially when it means I am pursuing things that are truly important to me. The honeymoon period is wearing off and the ‘three-month’ hump is definitely hitting, but I am – and will be – alright...

Then again, maybe I should be a little concerned. The other song stuck in my head today is REM’s, ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it….’