Christmas Cake: Gender Equality in Japan

Sometimes I feel like Japan has a gender culture I often feel mirrors 1950’s America. My comment might seem harsh, but I have specifically observed an issue of gender equality surrounding the workplace and dating scene. And today I picked up a few pointers on why things are the way they are.
The Christmas Present
It all started with a present I gave a coworker. In one of my classes this morning, I had the students exchange “gifts” via a game where they randomly selected slips of paper with compliments written on them and then chose other students to give those compliments to (using the To:/From: format).
Anyways, I brought all the extra slips back to my desk after class and decided to give out a few little “gifts” to some colleagues. One of the women I work with is truly a mentor figure to me and other coworkers and spends countless hours preparing materials to support the team or studying for self-betterment (not just because of the culture but because she takes on the role). She is an extremely hard worker, and has the drive and personality that I could definitely see in a leadership role (like a CEO) in America (or as hopefully as a principal in Japan in a few years). Anyways, I gave this woman a slip of paper telling her 'she was a leader'. I think we are close and candid enough to by frank, but to my surprise, the woman reacted with embarrassment, thinking I did not like her, when she read the note.
Sometimes I feel that many Japanese people are not always candid with me (saving face instead of telling me I am doing something wrong), but thank goodness this coworker decided to confront me about the message. I explained the class activity and that it was a positive attribute. But the thing is, in Japan, it is is the opposite: being a female leader is not. I have a lot of respect for this woman and am grateful she took the time to explain why it is embarrassing, of all things, for a woman to be considered a leader. In short, what I learned is that women are supposed to have less ability than men. By calling someone a leader, you are saying they are bossy and do not understand their place. It is insulting.
Lucky for me, opening this door led to further conversation about the status of women and the dating culture in Japan.
At one point during the conversation, we were discussing the potential for two young Japanese teachers we know to date (now know better than to use 'abunei kankei'...). The teacher told me that even though a woman has a boyfriend, unless she is married, she is still considered single. I don’t think it was a personal opinion, either (this seemed cultural).
Um, woah. Ring the Alarm. We do not exactly adhere to the same concept in my culture (at least in my opinion), and this not what I would call a good notion of commitment. I have heard other foreigners complain about the lack of love or true emotion in some relationships here, which I don’t know that I agree with, but I just refuse to believe that everyone would display such lack of respect for their partner(s). Yes, cheating happens all over the world, especially in my culture, but it is not necessarily accepted the way it seems to be here. We discussed the adultery culture a bit (a lot of do things happen in Japan, but definitely discreetly, behind firmly closed doors), but all in all, I was surprised and impressed by the honesty.
Christmas Cake
This post is long, as usual, but I have one last thing worth mentioning. On the topic of gender, I finally got a solid explanation of the Christmas Cake phenomenon! So in Japan, there is a tradition for boys to give their girlfriend a really decorative cake at Christmastime. It is called a Christmas Cake (they use English) and they are sold all over at an average of $15-40. Anyways, there is a lot of pressure in this culture to settle down early and they call 'older' (meaning 26) women Christmas Cakes if they are single. While it seems like a small thing, you would be suprised how this Bridget Jones attitude really does affect a lot of women.
Anyways, the reason behind the Christmas Cake nickname is pretty simple: Everyone wants a Christmas Cake until the 25th of the month. They're in high demand. After the 25th, though, nobody wants it anymore. The season is over. And just like Christmas Cake, nobody wants to girl after she has passed 25. Her time has expired.

I have to get going, but this was a very interesting lesson for me. For some reason, I think I have changed my mind about ordering a Christmas Cake this year, too. Sad.